shaky hands

today i did my first ever procedure..i was given a chance to do skin grafting..at first i hesitated coz i thot that taking a graft would be a very delicate job..in turn it was like peeling an apple..except that i was peeling human skin..cool..

our surgery was venous stripping and split skin grafting..after taking the graft, my prof told me to suture the incision sites for the perforators..it was my first time suturing..my friend was nice enough to teach me in advance and lend me her needle holder..i thought i was going to do simple interrupted suturing..then he told me to do mattress..i know how to do it but wasn't that confident as for simple suturing..he showed me once and i was off on my own..

and one thing i don't like is audience..there were these junior batch in the ot..and they were concentrating on my suturing..and since i was kind of nervous, my hands were shaking like mad..embarrassing..out of my control..and with unsteady hands..it was difficult just to pass the needle..but after a few sutures i got control of myself..

i hate when my hands start shaking..it also happened when i was catheterizing a patient in the ot..this time the audience were my 2 profs, the anaesthetist prof,the scrub sister..basically everyone in the ot..i feel confident..u tell me how to do i'll do it..but the shaking..my god..my prof told me "don't shake, its ur second time..its ok..no one will scold u"..see haw nice he is..but i don't know..my hands..it must be funny for them to watch me shaking while catheterizing the patient..

it was a long rainy day today..me running around in the rain from umc to attavar twice which are miles apart..with my umbrella not working..and coming back at night just to do one dressing for a patient since half  of his hand is almost gone..u can see all the muscles and tendons..

my shoulders are aching..i'm so tired..and my stomach hurts..
time to sleep..and the monsoon is back..owh how i love the rain..